time's kitschy little secret

I can not stand all of these incredibly kitschy products that line the walls of shopping malls and novelty stores. Products like the electric dog that humps the disembodied leg, mooning lawn gnome, or the electric woopie cushion serve no purpose and have no place anywhere I can think of outside of a bargain bin. These are illogical, unwanted, and purposeless. It's not even something you can put with the rest of your presentable American trinkets. Every Christmas, money is wasted and people give and receive bar coded items that gather dust in shrink wrap. I think the problem may lie in man's love for a sealed box. The mystery and fascination of opportunity and possibility. There is not much to the buying and boxing or the receiving and using. With all of the crap circulating through the veins of corporate America it is amazing that people aren't more skeptical about receiving their own special secret.


Humans are to time as alcoholics are to alcohol. When you first start off every moment is a moment to relish. Each experience new and amazing. You speak in slurs and receive help from those who care for you. As you get older, you build up a tolerance. Suddenly it seemingly takes more and more to satisfy you. You lose count. You get depressed and ask a higher power if there is anything that can be done. You become a helpless wreck. How can something so completely control your life? You can't live without it.


"You were born in pain. You live in fear. You die alone. Happy Christmas!"

- Age old Scottish holiday greeting.

Speak easy,
Neil