The Blues

Since the age of 16, I have had many, many roommates. Between college, my brothers, and working as a camp counselor for a couple of years, I am have become quite accustomed to sharing my space with another person. However, there is one flat mate that has stuck out from all the rest. This would be one of the guys I lived with at Umass Dartmouth. Aside from being a hypocrite, a compulsive liar, and an opportunist, he also was one of the most annoying people I've ever met. For the record, I get along with almost everyone. I don't believe I have, have ever had, or will ever have someone who considers me their enemy. One must be a special breed to make my sh*t list. The following is a list of catch phrases that my roommate would repeat ad nauseum.

1. "Everything is going swimmingly."

Despite spending all of his parents' money on drugs and alcohol, in addition to failing most of his classes, everything was always coming up roses.

2. "You're the blues, Neil. That's something that Mick Jagger once said to John Lennon. I don't know what it means but it must be a good thing."

Yes, he repeated this explanation every single time.

3. "I'll do you one better."

For example...
RM - Sorry I ate all of your food while you were home this weekend.
Me - Don't worry about it. Just as long as you replace it.
RM - I'll do you one better. I'll get you two bags of Chex Mix.
Me - Nah, you don't have to.
RM - No, no. I insist.

This would usually turned into "I'd love to pay you back but I don't have much money and I really need to get drunk tonight."

4. Obnoxious Laughter

This is not so much a catch phrase, but more of a terribly annoying habit. For some odd reason he was constantly compelled to laugh at anything that might be construed as funny. He would never do this when he was tired or by himself. I think it was a way to show that he was enjoying himself. Every guffaw* seemed so unnecessary. Just imagine Marty McFly's laugh (a la Back To The Future) if it were spewed out by the late John F. Kennedy.

*I have never typed out or used this word in a sentence but it is really the only way to describe it.

This evening I was watching the film '4 Days, 3 Weeks and 2 Days' while making some flash cards for my French course. I was listening to Romanian, reading English, and writing French. Multitasking can get pretty confusing sometimes.


I really like Autumn and Spring, but sometimes I feel like I could do without Winter. This is how I see it. Man can not survive in the frigid Winter air overnight without an sort of clothing or shelter. If everyone were left in their natural state in these cold January days, no one would survive. Man was not meant to live in cold climates. All the other animals hibernate or migrate or simply cope with the weather. I'm sure there are plenty strong arguments against this notion. I am just being a little cynical because I am getting progressively more exhausted of this season, and the more I tell myself that it is an unnatural state for me to exist in, the more comforted I am to the idea that it is not my fault.

Speak easy,
Neil

cold air and silver screens

Yesterday I had my last final and now I'm done with work until February. Mental work that is. I will need to work over winter break if I ever want to see London, Paris, or Rome.

It is truly amazing that the winter air in Massachusetts can smell like the winter air half way across the world. When it comes down to it, people and places aren't as different as people may think. Sure, there are different languages, different governments and different currency, but that doesn't change the fact that people are people. They enjoy watching stupid movies, dancing like nobodies watching, and eating cake. Even the hungriest child in the poorest of nations probably has a dirty joke that he would love to tell you.

My friend Sarah recommended that I post some explanations for the terrible movies that I saw in theaters. She said it would make for a good punishment of sorts for not updating the blog yesterday.

1. She's The Man

What was I thinking?: I was at the mall with a friend of mine and we had a few hours to kill. For some reason we had our minds set on seeing a movie and the only two options were She's The Man and Failure To Launch (starring the ever so talented Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker). The deciding factor rested solely on the fact that She's The Man was based on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night.

Verdict: Felt like an ABC Family prime time, single camera comedy (which would probably be entitled Soccer Daze). Predictable, clichéd, and boring.

What I wish I was watching: 10 Things I Hate About You.

2. Scary Movie 3

What was I thinking?: I bought the ticket thinking that I could easily sneak in to Matrix Revolutions. The theater decided to have a police officer stand guard at the door so that no underage kids could sneak in.

Verdict: By far the worst comedy I have ever seen. The couple awkwardly making out in the seat next to me didn't help with the overall experience.

What I wish I was watching: Ghostbusters

3. The Skeleton Key

What was I thinking?: I did not want to see this movie. The reason wasn't because I was worried about the quality of the film, but because I am a not a fan of the horror genre. It was not my choice. I was with a group of friends and one of them, who I didn't know very well, insisted that everyone needed to see this movie. Apparently it had the greatest twist ending in the history of cinema.

Verdict: Boring and (towards the end) laughable. I am just sorry that Peter Sarsgaard had to drag his career through this movie. The ending was alright I suppose but not at all worth sitting through the entire movie for.

What I wish I was watching: The Others

4. Spice World

What was I thinking?: I was an 11 year old boy at the time and I went with a friend of the family. For some reason I thought going to Spice World was entirely acceptable. I liked Baby Spice because she was not nearly as intimidating as the rest.

Verdict: No comment.

What I wish I was watching: This Is Spinal Tap

5. Hairspray

What was I thinking?: The critics seemed to like it. I was going on a date after I got off of work. The other movie I could have gone to for the allotted time was Rush Hour 3 (if memory serves). I tend to hate musicals but I thought this one might be different.

Verdict: Annoying and idiotic. The only redeeming qualities I could find in this film were Christopher Walkin and John Travolta (in drag). If the entire film were based around these two characters I think I wouldn't have fallen asleep half way through. (Note: only film I've ever actually fallen asleep during)

What I wish I was watching: The Producers

6. Wild Wild West

What was I thinking?: This was playing as a double feature, alongside the South Park movie, at the air force base cinema. I was 13 at the time and would have gone to see a child birth if it meant I could sink my teeth into more South Park.

Verdict: Better than watching childbirth but not nearly as rewarding. Completely nonsensical and ridiculous and the only film (to my knowledge) that Will Smith regrets doing.

What I wish I was watching: South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

7. Evan Almighty

What was I thinking?: I was going to the Wellfleet drive-in on a double date.

Verdict: Illogical. Ridiculous. Pointless. How do you suck all of the funny out of Steve Carell? Why does the flood only last five minutes? How does Morgan Freeman (God) inevitably have nothing poignant to say?

What I wish I was watching: The Office

I thank those who have too much time on their hands.

Speak easy,
Neil