Sunday, February 8, 2009

Guidelines For the Contemporary Gentleman

Breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, but it is also the most dangerous. This morning I threw up after breakfast because I ate earlier than I normally do. The pressure that the vomiting put on my face caused a pretty nasty nosebleed. The whole excursion caused me to be five minutes late for my first day on the job. Luckily I have the key to the office and I am the only one working on Monday morning.

The problem of eating on an empty stomach is best explained by Carl Pilkington in the following video.

"I mailed off your "Rolling Stone" magazine (well, it will go out in tomorrow's mail). I also put in an envelope with $5. It's not much but maybe you can buy a coffee, do a load of laundry, etc."
~ My Mom

Dear Mom,
Although I make my own coffee and do my laundry by hand, I am in no way in any sort of financial crisis. It is just the way I run my life. Thank you for being concerned. I appreciate it. :)

This is a picture of the last LAN. My expression in the picture just about sums up how I feel about the activity. I don't hate it, I just like everything about it except for the actual video game playing.

I am really busy with readings and homework this evening so I thought now would be a good a time as any to post the 'Guidelines for the Contemporary Gentleman' list I have been working on. If anyone has any suggestions (and I know there will be some), please post them in the comment section.

Guidelines For the Contemporary Gentleman

1. Adopt and consider the virtues set forth by Benjamin Franklin.
2. Be trained in classical piano as well as one other instrument.
3. Be fluent in at least two languages.
4. Own a suite for every occasion.
5. Throw an annual dinner party. (Cooking the food, making the drinks, supplying a nice and clean abode.
6. Treat all with equal respect (especially the elderly, the young, and the stupid).
7. Keep in peak physical condition.
8. Be well traveled (at least 3 continents and 8 countries).
9. Have a general knowledge of the literary canon.
10. Own a fish tank.

I would also like to add the disclaimer that I am not, at the moment, a contemporary gentleman. However, it is something to work towards.

Speak easy,


Dell Smith said...

I'm not sure I can ever live up to these standards. I may not even try. I'd add a couple more points: Feed the kitten every day (if you have one). Kiss your wife goodnight every night (If you have one). Keep a full gas tank during the very cold months (If you have a car). Respect others, even if they try to get your attention by kicking your office chair instead of knocking in the doorway of your cube.

Neil Everett said...

They are very high standards, and I doubt I'll ever be able to fulfill all of my expectations.
Your points are pretty good too. If I had the power to make you an honorary contemporary gentleman (not sure if I do) I would.