Monday, January 12, 2009

Koala Head Hair

Puff jumped on top of the garbage and tried to bite a hole through the plastic bag. I tapped her on the bottom, but she just looked at me funny. Then I sprayed water on her and she just seemed slightly confused. On top of being a little weird looking, I fear that the cat is most likely inbred.

Stuff about the human body that I think I understand:

- Yawning is just the body cooling down the temperature of the brain. Socially, yawning is a sign of empathy.

- Sometimes as you are falling asleep your body will abruptly convulse, causing you to feel alert and uncomfortable. This is the body jump starting itself because, although you are trying to fall asleep, your body thinks you are drifting off towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

- There are many reasons why one's pupils may dilate. When they are exposed to light, when one is on drugs, when they receives a great amount of air pressure to the cornea, or when one sees the object of their desire, their love.

- If someone is sick and you rub their back, make sure you rub down and not up. If they are nauseous and you rub their back in an upward motion, they may vomit.

- Food products that advertise the fact that they contain antioxidants will not make you any healthier. There is not enough antioxidants in food products (such as dark chocolate or green tea) to make an overall difference in the way that your immune system works. You need to take a lot to make a noticeable difference.
Most people get all the vitamins they need in the food they eat. If you take multivitamins and your body is already getting what it needs, it simply expels any excess vitamins.

Stuff about the human body that I do not understand:

- Why does the hair on your head keep growing (sans nose hair, eye brow hair and ear hair), while the hair on the rest of your body stops at a certain length? Human head hair seems like it should stop growing, just like cat head hair, dog head hair, koala head hair, etc.

- What is the real difference between male body hair and female body hair? If you do know, please do not tell me. This is something that is better left unknown.

- What are the little clouds that some people tend to have in their fingernails? Someone once told me that when you have clouds in your fingernails, it means someone is thinking about you. This does not sound like a reasonable or rational explanation.

- If we stopped bathing and using shampoo and soap would musk be outright noticeable?

- Do the small webs between our fingers indicate that we will one day have webbed hands or is it just another evolutionary leftover (like the tailbone)?

Virtue 12: "Tranquility" Don't be too bothered about stuff that happens in your life. It can just cause a lot of anxiety and stress. When I feel that my tranquility is compromised, I just imagine that I am at the base of a serene, tepid waterfall. The air around me cleans ever inch of my soul and I feel calm again.

Alternatives to finding tranquility...
- Imagine you have a gun.
- In your mind, call yourself by a different name in your head (Rick is a good one)
- Think about how cool Bill Gates' house is.

Virtue 13: "Humility". Being humble can be a great character trait. Nobody likes a smug a**hole. This virtue also states that one ought to follow the teachings of Jesus and Socrates. These are two smart individuals that apparently have quite a large following. Here are some memorable quotes from these historical gentlemen...

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
"What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul."
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."
"Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur."
~ Jesus

"An honest man is always a child."
"I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance. "
"Be as you wish to seem."
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher and that is a good thing for any man."
"He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature."
"It is not living that matters, but living rightly."
"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake."
~ Socrates

I redecorated my room last week to give it more of an older vibe (hence the typewriter, record player, and old framed portraits). It now feels warm and timeless.

Speak easy,


Andrew (F.E.U.) Lippman said...

The room is looking very 1920's. If you get the typewriter working you can write novellas and listen to classical music on your record player, or Beirut..same thing.

Anonymous said...

I guess jesus and jerry seinfeld are both jewish, and widely quoted....